I used to be a relatively confident person. Not perfectly so, of course – but I wasn’t quiet. My reaction to being targeted by bullies was to be louder and more overt in my self, so you could hardly have called me shy – but that confidence was a performance. …
Anxiety, disability, and labels
If you google ‘is anxiety a disability’, you get an awful lot of ‘maybe’ here in the UK. The majority of is-this-a-disability gating is handled by the Department of Work and Pensions, who caretake our disability benefit. It is, many websites mention, quite tricky to get disability benefit for mental …
Reading Challenges – An Unsung Hero?
What do you think of when you think of reading challenges? Before I started one, I thought of the people who would challenge themselves to read 100+ books in a year. I used to be one of those people; in fact I used to be capable of reading over 300 …
A Way Out
There is a girl running down the street on a calm and placid day. “Hey,” you call, “what are you running for? The sun is out and it’s quiet.” She doesn’t stop, but you run with her, catch up with her panting breaths. “If I keep running, they won’t catch …
How do I unlearn my depression’s habits?
A lot of habits you pick up from being depressed are easier to unlearn than others. They take hard work, but you can do it. Showering or bathing, for instance. To train yourself to do that, you just have to do it – with the help of task lists or …
Anti-depressants, avoidance, and when is a symptom not a symptom?
It is 60 hours since I last took my anti-depressants. For some reason, the pharmacy haven’t done my prescription yet. It’s on repeat, automatically processed by them, I should get a text message when it’s done. I haven’t. This is the first time this has happened at this pharmacy – …
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If I Were A Hobbit
On my birthdays I wish I was a hobbit because that way, at least, I can’t be forgotten about. I know I’ll remember to give people presents when my birthday comes around, because I’ll take any opportunity to tell people I care (because otherwise they might forget me), and then …
Fame, Branding, and An Absolutely Remarkable Thing
Last week I read a book. It was Hank Green’s debut novel, An Absolutely Remarkable Thing – and before we get any further, I’d like to tell you that it was incredible and you should go and read it. Right now. It’s about many things, but especially about branding: the self we …
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Triggered, And Other Difficult Words
We don’t always choose the words we use. I realise that’s an odd thing to say. We do also always choose the words we use. But there are ways of speaking that we absorb rather than actively think about. I find myself using turns of phrase that my closest friends do, …
My Bravest Friend
I remember you the day we got you; you wailed all the way home. Each speed bump was a horror, each turn a torturous swaying. We put you in the living room with everything closed off. It took you a while to come out – to realise we had stopped. …
The Space To Learn Confidence
I used to be a relatively confident person. Not perfectly so, of course – but I wasn’t quiet. My reaction to being targeted by bullies was to be louder and more overt in my self, so you could hardly have called me shy – but that confidence was a performance. …